Tuesday, February 07, 2012

Be Kind to Yourself

Today I welcome romance author, Rebecca J. Clark. Rebecca’s second novel, Her One-Night Prince, is available now, and her next book, Deliver the Moon, releases in June.

Because it’s the new year and because I’m a personal trainer when I’m not writing, I’ve been doing a lot of talking and reading about goal-setting lately. I’m reading a fabulous book, PUSH by Chalene Johnson. She maintains that the best goals will be waylaid by negative self talk.

I think many of us spend far too much time every day saying mean things to ourselves. “You’re too fat.” “You’re too thin.” (Okay, I’ve never said THAT to myself). “You suck as a writer.” “You’ll never be able to finish this book.” Etc, etc.

Would you ever speak that way to your best friend? I don’t think so. Would you ever tolerate anyone speaking that way to your children or to you? I don’t think so. So why do you tolerate it from yourself?

Imagine a coach saying this to her team: “You guys suck. I can’t believe you can call yourselves soccer players. The other team is WAY better than you. You’ll be lucky to score a single goal.” What are the chances of this team winning? Slim to none. If their coach doesn’t believe in them, why should they believe in themselves?

Now imagine telling yourself, “Yes, I can do this! I believe in myself. I’ve achieved goals in the past and I’m going to achieve them again.” Make a list of all the things you’ve accomplished in your life, big and small. Refer to that list whenever you have doubts, or whenever those negative voices start whispering or yelling in your head.

Remember: You are your coach. What you say to yourself affects you way more than what others can say to you. So, do me a favor. Be a better coach. Say positive things to yourself. Build yourself up. Give yourself a pep talk.

Now, go win that game!

You can learn more about Rebecca at her website . Her newest book is available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble 

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Prudence MacLeod said...

Beyond a wholesome discipline, we need to be good to ourselves, to be our own best friend. Thanks for a great post and a fresh look at this.

Rebecca J. Clark said...

Hey Prudence,
You're very welcome. Most of us try very hard to be nice to others, but don't think about being nice to ourselves.

Candis Terry said...

Great advice! I'm very unkind to myself at least 95% of the time.

Rebecca J. Clark said...

Candis, you and me both. We should knock it off, eh?

Katherine said...

Great post, Rebecca. I've forwarded the link to this to a friend who is always down on herself. Hopefully, what you wrote will help her treat herself better.

Darcy Lundeen said...

Thanks for a great post, Rebecca. And thank you, Terry, for having Rebecca on your blog. I'm another one who tends to diss herself regularly, so your advice is a wonderful reminder that we do deserve some of the kindness we're usually so willing to give to others.

Rebecca J. Clark said...

Katherine, tell your friend to contact me and I'll set her straight. I'm serious. I can be really mean and threatening (in a positive way of course) when I need to be. She can contact me through me website. :)

Rebecca J. Clark said...

Darcy, Darcy, Darcy. You need to be kinder to yourself. Each night before you go to sleep, remind you of 5 accomplishments you did that day, however small. Even if it's as little as holding the door open for someone or giving your kids a hug after school. You do great things every day. You just need to recognize that. :)

Ilona Fridl said...

You are so right, Rebecca! I've found myself saying, "Who's going to read this garbage?" I'm killing myself. My editor and ones who have read my books have liked them. Sometimes, I'm my own worst enemy.

Linda Hope Lee said...

Rebecca. I like your suggestions for emphasizing the positive. I think we sometimes fall into the habit of negative thinking and don't realize consciously that we are being negative.

Linda Hope Lee