His Brain, Her Brain #1 revisited

Since Detective Hussey's manuscript is over, I thought I'd spend Friday's rerunning some of my more popular posts, based on what I see from my site statistics. This is from Sept 2, 2008, from workshop notes from the 2008 RWA conference, on a workshop given by Eileen Dreyer.

His Brain, Her Brain, or Why it Took Moses 40 Years to Find His Way Out of the Desert.

One fascinating point Dryer shared was that although we all know that someone with the XX chromosome set is female, and the males are XY, it's not 'either-or'. During gestation, at about the 6-8 week point, the fetus undergoes a 'hormone wash', which may be highly loaded with estrogen or testosterone. This overlays brain development and influences brain function. So, there's really a continuum of sexuality.

And – all of these points are generalizations. There will always be exceptions. Don't shoot the messenger. I'm sharing my notes here.

There are definite differences in brain structure in males and females. Differences are noted at 26 weeks of pregnancy. The brain develops differently in males before sex hormones are produced, so part of the sex differences in the brain is genetic.

Now, cutting to the chase: Humans started out a long, long time ago. Changes in the brain are nowhere near catching up. So, we're basically hard-wired to survive, but not in this century. Traveling back to the days of early man…

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Males are hard-wired as hunters. They have better long range directional skills. They've got a better spatial sense. They focus on single tasks, on procreation, they focus on things.

Females are hard-wired as protectors of the nest. They're communal, have more finely tuned sensory skills, are multi-taskers. They're non-verbal communicators. They can process and integrate input faster.

Some differences (and remember, these are generalizations)

The male resting brain is 30% active.
The female resting brain is 90% active. (So, yeah, it's hard for us to 'shut down')
The male brain is logical.
The female brain is emotive.
The male brain is left hemisphere dominant, with the exception of the spatial area.
The female brain is more multi-hemisphere, with a thicker Corpus Callosum.
When men speak, only one site is active. (Right—they talk OR listen.)
When women speak, both the hearing and speech centers are active.

On the topic of lying:

Women lie to make others feel better
Men lie to make themselves look good.
Men don't lie more than women, they just get caught.
Women lie for self-deception
If a man and a woman are in a close relationship, it's harder to lie.

His Brain, Her Brain #4

Our topic today is Problem Solving.

Men are linear thinkers.
Women think in clusters.

Men compartmentalize.
Women churn things over until the problem is solved

Men are emotionally divorced from problem solving.
Women are emotionally involved in the process.

Men are solitary.
Women are communal.

Men give space.
Women wants a hug.

Men want answers.
Women want support.

For men, help means failure.
Women want to help.

This will be the last installment. I hope you've found the posts interesting, and perhaps useful.

And, now that we've explored some of the differences, here's someone else's take on His Brain, Her Brain. It might be a comedy routine, but now that we've looked at the evolutionary reasons for these differences, you might see how much is grounded in fact. That is, assuming I've managed to figure out how to upload it to this post. If it doesn't work, here's the link.

His Brain, Her Brain #3

What I'm reading: Three in Death, by J.D. Robb

What I'm writing: Chapter 16

Today, we'll look at some of the social differences between men and women. Again, these differences are based on physiological differences in the brain, but there are always going to be individual differences. There's a basic framework, but there are also individual modifications to the finished product. Think all those housing developments with virtually identical houses. Eventually, the owners put their own touches into their homes giving them some individuality. However, some of the broad, sweeping generalizations we make about men and women does have a basis in the differences in the way their brains work. If you haven't read posts 1 and 2, I suggest you scroll down and read them in chronological order.

In Social Situations:

Men are goal oriented.
Women are community builders.

Men are the lone hunters.
Women are communal.

Men are problem solvers.
Women are problem sharers.

A woman will come home from a day at work and complain about something that happened. To a women, sharing troubles is a friendship ritual. To a man, talking about a problem is asking for advice. Thus, the man will offer suggestions as to how to fix it. The woman really doesn't want his help, she just wants to vent. Men consider talking about a problem a step down in the hierarchy.

Men are likely to explore an idea through argument. Women will shut down, because they want to keep connections open.

Men define themselves by achievements.
Woman define themselves by relationships.

In the workplace, our hard-wired brains still see the differences between male and female behaviors. Perhaps the reason men don't see women as "equals" in the workplace is because they simply can't. They're perceived as too emotional to be authority figures. Their wiring does make them emotional. But that doesn't mean they can't make the necessary decisions. But a woman is more likely to say, "We're going to talk about "the" rules," which is ingrained in the nurturing wiring, whereas a man would say, "We're going to talk about "my" rules," which fits his hierarchical wiring. Women soften statements, men give orders.

The information in these posts comes from workshops by Eileen Dreyer from the RWA conference, and Tracy Montoya's presentation at the Southern Lights Conference.

His Brain, Her Brain #2

First – yesterday was a 'bust' as far as productivity – back to dealing with customer service. My new cell phone arrived. Nothing like spending about 4 hours and fighting with computer interfaces, misleading menus and trying to download my 'free' ringtone (and having the call dropped right when you get to the, "oh, let me transfer you to the person who can help you" stage). Then, my phone bill came – the one that last month's customer service rep SWORE would be perfect. HA! Took 40 minutes to get through, and to get the rep to agree that I deserved a credit for a service I canceled in March. I wouldn't have minded if I could have worked while on hold, but they interrupted the very nice classical music every 10 seconds with another wonderful reason to be a customer (including their outstanding customer service).

Back to His Brain – Her Brain.
Today, let's look at Speech and Language

The male uses his left brain, frontal lobe. Deals with about 8000 signals.
The female uses multiple sites, bilaterally. Deals with about 20,000 signals.
Male speech is direct and literal.
Female language is more indirect. There's more negotiation, emotive involvement.
Female speech is more facile, more integrated.
There are more male than female. Stutterers.
Men use language to compete.
Women use speech as a reward, as a bonding tool.
Men have emotionless listening postures.
Women show 6 different listening postures.
Men don't need to express pleasure with words.
Women talk. And talk.

60-80% of communication is non-verbal.
20-30% of communication is via voice sounds
7-10% of communication is via words
Men only hear the words
Women hear and use 6 tones
Men hear and use 4 tones

For a male, silence is not punishment.

Yesterday I mentioned Tracy Montoya's workshop. She discussed Robin Lakoff's power theory and Deborah Tannen's connection theory. Given the insights of the difference in brain structure and hard-wiring, everything makes sense. Bear in mind, Tracy's workshop focused on American men and women, and holds about 60% of the time. (The following is taken from my April 1^st post, to save you having to dig for it.)

The hard wiring is evidenced at a very early age. Little girls want to fit in. Little boys like to be the boss. As women, we grow up wanting to be part of the group and don't like to make waves, whereas for men, it's about the hierarchy. Girls share secrets, like to connect. Boys want to be higher up the ladder and use language to one-up each other. If that doesn't work, they may resort to physical means.

Which is why men don't ask for directions -- it puts them 'one step under' the person they're asking for help. And it helps explain why men don't apologize. That also puts them in a subservient role. Or if they do, it's more like, "I'm sorry if you feel that way..."

These observations are built around our culture and our language, and are broad generalizations. Patterns, not rules. Regional background, age, and birth order also play a part.

But I loved her example of how little boys play the game. Three little boys in a car. One says, "We're going to Disneyland for four days." Boy #2 says, "We're going to Disneyland for FIVE days." Boy #3 says, "We're MOVING to Disneyland." The driver was the father of Boy #3. Deborah Tannen was in the car as well. He was about to step in and admonish his son for lying, but she stopped him. She explained that they'd just established the pecking order, and his son came out on top. The boys all knew it was a verbal battle, and they knew nobody was moving to Disneyland.

Fascinating subject, and it's a great tool if you're trying to make your characters sound real.

His Brain, Her Brain #1

After being sidetracked far too long, I'm back to sharing some notes from the RWA conference. As someone with a degree in Psychology (or so my diploma says), with a minor in Biology, and being married to a biologist, the "His Brain/Her Brain" program listing sucked me in. And once our speaker, Eileen Dreyer put up her first slide, which subtitled the presentation: "Or Why it too Moses 40 Years to Find His Way Out of the Desert," I figured there would be some worthwhile nuggets of wisdom. I've got a lot of notes, so I'm not going to be able to post everything in one day. Please come back.

One fascinating point she shared was that although we all know that someone with the XX chromosome set is female, and the males are XY, it's not 'either-or'. During gestation, at about the 6-8 week point, the fetus undergoes a 'hormone wash', which may be highly loaded with estrogen or testosterone. This overlays brain development and influences brain function. So, there's really a continuum of sexuality.

And – all of these points are generalizations. There will always be exceptions. Don't shoot the messenger. I'm sharing my notes here.

There are definite differences in brain structure in males and females. Differences are noted at 26 weeks of pregnancy. The brain develops differently in males before sex hormones are produced, so part of the sex differences in the brain is genetic.

Now, cutting to the chase: Humans started out a long, long time ago. Changes in the brain are nowhere near catching up. So, we're basically hard-wired to survive, but not in this century. Traveling back to the days of early man…

Males are hard-wired as hunters. They have better long range directional skills. They've got a better spatial sense. They focus on single tasks, on procreation, they focus on things.

Females are hard-wired as protectors of the nest. They're communal, have more finely tuned sensory skills, are multi-taskers. They're non-verbal communicators. They can process and integrate input faster.

Some differences (and remember, these are generalizations)

The male resting brain is 30% active.
The female resting brain is 90% active. (So, yeah, it's hard for us to 'shut down')
The male brain is logical.
The female brain is emotive.
The male brain is left hemisphere dominant, with the exception of the spatial area.
The female brain is more multi-hemisphere, with a thicker Corpus Callosum.
When men speak, only one site is active. (Right—they talk OR listen.)
When women speak, both the hearing and speech centers are active.

On the topic of lying:

Women lie to make others feel better
Men lie to make themselves look good.
Men don't lie more than women, they just get caught.
Women lie for self-deception
If a man and a woman are in a close relationship, it's harder to lie.

Remember to check back!