It's Still About the Sex

Thanks to Julie for being my guest yesterday. A great post. If you haven't read it, you should. And, you should also read Monday's post, plus the 12 Steps to Intimacy (there's a link in Monday's post) if you didn't read them Monday.

In addition to doing her workshop, Linda Howard was generous in answering questions on all aspects of her career. She admits to being a total "pantser" and writes by telling the story of her characters. She never really knows what will happen next. That sounded very much like my process, so I was encouraged. When she closes in on the end of a book, she's totally immersed in it to the point that she skips some of the basics—like eating and sleeping. Her husband graciously steps in and does the "wife stuff." She said a recent book had her submerged for several weeks. To feel 'manly' when she was finished, her husband went and bought a backhoe.

After she went through the 12 Steps (you have read them by now, right?), she elaborated on how to apply them to romance writing.

Points to remember: It's about species survival. Human infants require many YEARS of nurturing. There has to be a strong bond between male and female in order to keep them together long enough to rear children. Sex drives this bond. Males are stuck being attracted to females long before females are attracted to males. Pheromones work differently. Male testosterone levels make aggressive behavior something that has to be curtailed in order to establish the requisite trust for bonding.

Survival: It's All About Sex

What I'm reading: Storm Prey, by John Sanford

Not much to update on the wildlife front - a raccoon got into the hummingbird feeder again. We've been bringing it in at night, but apparently not early enough. And I did spot a coyote on our way to breakfast Sunday.

On Saturday, I drove all the way into the Springs to attend a workshop presentation by best-selling romance author Linda Howard. I've summarized her 12 Steps to Intimacy on this blog more than once. I suggest you read today's post first. I'll give you the back link at the end.

Although the 12 Steps to Intimacy was the topic of the first part of her workshop, she spent a considerable amount of time explaining the why and how these steps came to be, from a species survival standpoint. I thought I'd share that with you today. Her research, as mentioned in my earlier post, is gleaned from Desmond Morris's books. He was an anthropologist, and his concepts are based on comparisons of human beings with other mammalian species.

Howard's first point was that sex is very powerful, and very important. It's more than recreation. Her comment: Sex and guns are powerful—handle both with care. Writing sensual love scenes requires an understanding of the human sex drive. Our mating rituals have deep roots in survival instincts.

And, as she points out, survival of the species is a more powerful drive than survival of the individual.

12 Steps to Intimacy

Yesterday, I mentioned that Leanne Banks talked about the 12 steps to intimacy, which came from Intimate Behavior: A Zoologist's Classic Study of Human Intimacy by Desmond Morris (originally published in 1971). Linda Howard has addressed them as they apply to writing romance. The following is part of a post I did in November, 2008.

1. Eye to body –
This is the sizing up of a potential mate. The woman walks into the room. The man looks at her and decides if she's someone who appears to meet his criteria. Hard wiring suggests he's looking for a mate who appears healthy and able to bear his offspring, but we've all met guys where merely having two X chromosomes is enough. However, if the female doesn't measure up, he moves away.

2. Eye to eye –
Assuming the woman passed muster in step 1, the man will attempt to make eye contact. If the woman averts her eyes, that's a "pull away." The man has the choice of moving on, or perhaps accepting the challenge and trying again. Be aware that a fixed gaze can also be viewed as threat behavior, so there's more fodder for the push-pull.

3. Voice to voice –
If she's accepted his gaze (and, by the way, the woman is doing the same kind of sizing up at the same time), the next step is to strike up a conversation. You want to pull them apart, perhaps your hero uses the pickup line from hell, tells a bad joke, or is a "me me me" conversationalist.

4. Hand to hand (or arm) –
The very first step in physical contact. This is the step where intimacy begins. Allowing someone to touch is a measure of trust. The woman is accepting some vulnerability here. Touching signals to others that there's a 'couple' forming.

Sexual Tension - It's Not the Sex, part 3

To recap from yesterday:

We're looking at the 12 Steps to Intimacy – from Intimate Behavior by Desmond Morris

This ties back into the hard-wiring established to enhance survival in early man. Studies have shown that relationships that don't follow these steps tend to be shorter-lived than those that progress naturally through them. In a broad generalization, women prefer to move through the steps, whether it be consciously or not. Just like a building requires a strong foundation, so does a relationship.

The steps below are given from a male to female standpoint, so we're looking at the male as instigator, although these steps will work both ways. As authors, we're "pushing" the characters together and "pulling them apart" to create sexual tension.

To continue with the list:

7. Mouth to mouth-
Kissing. The first kiss is a milestone in any romance novel. Both parties are vulnerable. Look at the romance books you've read and see how many of these 'first kiss' encounters are cut short. The author is creating tension by pulling the characters apart. How is the kiss described? Is the author pushing the characters together with their reactions to the sensations?

In an erotic romance, this might be the first step. It's also going to happen very early in the book. However, for a believable HEA ending, the couple needs to backtrack and lay the foundations for the relationship beyond the scope of sex.

8. Hand to head-
This is done by both men and women. Whereas the initial kiss may have been only a touching of lips, as the relationship develops, the woman may run her fingers through the man's hair. The man may cradle the woman's face. Allowing someone to touch one's head shows a deepening trust. Does the woman allow the touch, or does she pull away?

9. Hand to body—
This step moves the couple into the beginnings of foreplay. This is another area where the author is likely to use the external plot to pull the characters apart. The phone rings. Someone knocks on the door. However, it's still quite possible for the emotional pull-apart. Is the character having second thoughts? Is there too much guilt?

10. Mouth to breast—
This step shows a great deal of trust. It's still possible for the woman to pull back, although this is another step along the foreplay route.

11. Hand to genitals—
Most of the time, this is the point at which there's no turning back. The commitment has been made. If the woman does change her mind, it will be very frustrating for the male (a MAJOR conflict). It's also likely to label the woman as a "tease".

12. Genitals to genitals—
This is the sex act. It may happen on or off the page. However by now, the reader should be at least as anxious for the relationship to be consummated as the characters are. Perhaps more.

After this point, the author is challenged with maintaining tension. Just as the ratings plunged when the stars of "Moonlighting" finally slept together, once the hero and heroine have had sex, the author is likely to be spending more page time on the plot conflicts. In non-erotic romance, further sex scenes tend to be less detailed.

These steps follow a natural, logical progression. However, it's not a rule that one must show them all, or even show them in this order. Leapfrogging or hopscotching through the steps does happen. However, the strongest relationships are those where all 12 steps are followed. An research indicates that couples who repeat these steps regularly have longer, more satisfactory relationships.

This wraps up my workshop notes. I hope you've found something useful, either for yourself or your writing.

Tomorrow, I'm off to Colorado for a long weekend.

Today's Gratitude List:

1. Hubby, for working on the paddle fan lights before leaving for work AND being the bed fairy.

2. My agent, who believes in my work despite the rejections

3. Joey, the world's cutest grandson. See you soon!